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When Prostate Exams Go Wrong

I’ve been silent for over a day about this. I know this isn’t necessarily a forum for such a horrid, sad topic. I don’t mean to bring you all down. But I feel that my soul has been crushed and I’ve been a victim of a brutal crime. It happened right in one of the so-called “nice neighborhoods” in town. I was the victim of someone that I considered a friend. A caring, decent woman that I trusted. 

yankee hat with cigar

A Physician’s Assistant at Williamstown Medical and I were in the middle of a friendly chat about my health yesterday as part of my annual checkup. Things were going well. I seemed to be in good health. Then my “friend” asked me to turn on my side. The next thing I knew, I was shrieking and hanging from the ceiling tiles, my legs scissoring wildly.

The Physician’s Assistant was casually peeling off a nonlatex exam glove, covered in feces and blood, a small smile on her face. I never even had a chance to strike a provocative pose, to show my ass to best advantage before she drove her bony, probing finger with an unmanicured nail up my hey-nanner-nanner.

By now it must be apparent that I was the victim of a prostate exam, or as we men call it, Horrible Prison Anal Rape and Humiliation. Women and female doctors have laughed at my plight in the past, saying, “Get over it – try being pregnant and see how much you get poked and prodded!” Fellow males however, even those in the medical profession, nod with a sadness in their eyes when they hear about such an outrage.

protate rape pinch

The tears dried. My sphincter even stopped dribbling fluids into my Underoos, eventually. But it will take a long time before I can produce a manly fart (I think the medical term is “poot,” actually) without fear of filling my drawers. And even longer before I can regain my dignity. Tell me, please – who can I talk to about fixing that?

Comments

Cathy
Reply

I cannot stop laughing! But hey, now you got something to talk to Hempsted about.

Winnie
Reply

Um …. Dear Rod … I cannae tell a lie … well I can – you know where I work … whilst I am sorry that you were violated in such a manner, your tale has had me laughing like an idiot for a few minutes. Even now as I type this, tears I tell you TEARS! And now the obligatory BWAHAHAHA! Here’s hoping you are able to poot with no effort in a jiffy, I’m sure Rocky has been very supportive during your ordeal.

Rochelle
Reply

Umm..I’m saving my “support” for the colonoscopy.

Jackie
Reply

umm if there was blood and feces on her glove after doing that…maybe you should uhh talk to someone about that..

ange
Reply

people are always telling me i’m weird. clearly, it’s not my fault.

Stu Friedman
Reply

Why hasn’t the hidden video of this event been posted yet?

Rochelle Bunt
Reply

Saving it for the Bunt reality show dear brother!

SUE
Reply

He’ll feel much better during the colonoscopy, if he plays his cards right, and “mans up” he can actually watch it on the big screen tv. Its like the movie Fantastic Voyage, until they pull out the probe, lay it down, its then you realize your ass is now on the big screen. Sigh….

daddo
Reply

for the next colonoscopy, I want to be knocked the hell out! Then they can ravage my attractive, mature, muscled ass for all I care.

Bola
Reply

HAHA!!!! OMG this is awesome.

Donald
Reply

The blood and feces are concerning, and will likely result in your undergong a colonoscopy. Do not watch the movie unless you are fan of either “The Descent” or Roto-Rooter training films. Just remember the procedure isn’t near as unpleasant as the several gallons of pureed cat vomit you have to drink beforehand.

cor cor
Reply

Im sorry Im LOL about your HORRID SAD story but I couldnt help myself

Linda
Reply

I know you have been here, I have been horribly remiss about reading. That oversight however has just been remedied as my eyes will not stop dribbling gleeful tears of OMG…hahahahaha….all day!! Bwahahahahahahahahaha……….

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