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The Bunts Buy a Bed: A Tale of Redemption & Glory

There’s an old saying that if Mom’s not happy no one is.

I am truly not hard to please. If you ask my husband I believe he will agree. I am content to eat a salad for dinner and a day out is a trip to Victoria Secret to cash in my coupon for free underwear. Nevertheless, for the past year I have been whining daily about needing a new bed. 

buying a bed faq
Shhh… let her sleep.

The one we have was a gift from my in-laws who never scrimp on quality or price, so while it was once a great bed after 20 years it has become more a source of torture than rest. Twenty years is a long time considering three little girls crawled, jumped and snuggled there, cats and dogs stretched and groomed there and Rod and I engaged in wild, crazy love… okay, that part is a lie but you get the idea.

Once I came home to find my eldest, then 15, with her best friend lying in our bed watching TV. They were sick and my daughter could think of no better place to recover than Mom and Dad’s bed. How could I get angry at that? It was the place of healing, family discussions, and marathon movie watching. Clearly we had screwed up somehow (weren’t living rooms for that?) but it was too late. Our bed was the hot spot and not for reasons one would hope.

After 20 years, my daily back aches and a better-than-expected tax refund moved me to declare that for me to be happy we must get a new bed.

Large purchases are always made cautiously, however, once the actual decision was made things moved very quickly.

I knew our price limit so all that was needed was the perfect bed and a payment plan that offered a year with no interest. It’s a buyer’s market so I felt confident.

Off to the store and like Goldilocks we lay down on bed #1: not bad, bed #2: too hard, bed #3: just right! In the mean time the kid (he was about 22) did his upsell thing and we allowed him his fun. I am deadly rigid about my budget. If I say I can spend a certain amount, that is what I mean and not a dime more. I don’t care how amazing the bed is if I can’t afford it I am not getting it.

The entire sale took less than 30 minutes. We want THIS bed, we will pay THIS much and it must include delivery and removal of our old bed. The salesman hesitated and kept hinting he could try, get it close, and do his best to accommodate.

goldilocks buys bed
“Room for one more?”

We sat to fill in the paperwork for my interest free payment plan and he hinted that it would be slightly higher than the price I was looking for. Time for a manager and the pretend back and forth to make sure  we knew this was a great deal they were giving us. Surprise! I was able to get it for the price I asked. When did beds get so expensive? I could rent a house at the Cape for a week for what this bed cost! Wow, I really could. That is depressing.

The day the bed was delivered my husband was visiting his mother on Long Island, so that first evening I got to sleep in it all alone.

There are no words.

Imagine sleeping on a cloud. Not what a cloud really is but what a cloud looks like it is. Remember being a child and looking up at the big, puffy cotton balls in the sky and wondering what it must be like to float on one of those? That is my new bed.

I have been late to work twice already because I simply can’t leave the thing. I try. My legs won’t cooperate.

When my husband came home from his Mom’s house he was curious and doubtful. How could a bed live up to my description? He could sleep sitting up in a chair and be happy most nights.

That afternoon he unpacked and promised me a special dinner.

I came home from work and there was dinner simmering on the stove. I searched the house and called for my husband. I walked all through the downstairs. He had to be close. He left food cooking!

I found him sound asleep upstairs on “the cloud.” It was 5:30 P.M.

Yeah, he likes the bed.

Comments

Rod Bunt
Reply

hahahahahahahahahaha so funny (can’t you tell by the the many ha’s in a row?). A nice new bed! FOR ME TO POOP ON!

ange
Reply

can’t wait to come home and sit in the chair next to this bed while you guys hog the whole thing! hehehe. incest family.

winnie
Reply

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA <3 da Bunts never disappointed 🙂

Colin
Reply

I mean, obviously, I LOVED this. And snot-laughed at “After twenty years of bears pooping in their bed…” This whole story made me swoon, as per usual.

Rochelle
Reply

Sadly… none of our sheets fit this ridiculously thick mattress so new sheets, bedspread, etc. Actually could have gone on a cruise but that only lasts a week or two. Angie, come snuggle!

COR COR
Reply

hooray Gloldielocks you found your bed…now break the damn thing in!!!

jackie
Reply

omg just laughed out loud at work when dad wrote, “a nice bed.” FOR ME TO POOP ON. omg ahahahahahahha

Rochelle
Reply

Why is that funny.. I don’t even get it? Why does everyone think dad is so funny? I’m funny, too!!!!

Rod Bunt
Reply

I’m unemployed and fragile, goddamit. I get to be the funny one.

kate
Reply

I can’t wait to cat sit again.. 😉

Sue Roy
Reply

Rochelle, I think you are freaking hysterical! Thats my story and I’m sticking to it ;-)~ But, is there really any truth to the rumor that a mattress gains a lb of weight every year? and that a mattress can double in weight over 10 years from dust mites and skin. But you start adding poop, and god knows the weight one of those babies carries! (I hope they tipped the guy who removed the old one).

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