Enrique Iglesias is F*cking You Tonight.
Clear your weekend schedule, pick up a fresh razor, and slather on your finest Bath & Body Works scented lotion- because tonight Enrique Iglesias is fucking you, whether you want it or not.
What in God’s name was Enrique’s manager thinking when he gave him the go-ahead to record this song (very matter-of-factly titled, “Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”)? Furthermore, what type of songwriter would even think to write something like this? (I think we can safely assume that E.I. isn’t coming up with his own material…)
“Here’s the situation / Been to every nation / Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation / Given my reputation / Please excuse me I don’t mean to be rude- But tonight I’m fucking you.”
I wouldn’t call it “rude” as much as I’d call it presumptuous. God, remove one mole from a guy’s face and he thinks he’s the next Fabio. Isn’t this the same person who once claimed to “be my hero, baby,” and promised to kiss away my pain?
Even more ridiculous than the song is the music video. I would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall during the initial meetings about the concept of the thing: “Alright Enrique, so in this scene you’re going to dance at a club, then you’re going to hump a girl in a bathroom while she makes exaggerated panting noises into the camera. Then we’re going to throw in a scene with Ludacris in a limo surrounded by chicks while ‘The Good Ship Lollipop’ plays in the background, because everybody knows nothing is sexier than listening to Shirley Temple while trying to get an HJ. Then we’re gonna add an exterior shot of some mountains and you’re gonna hump a few more girls and then they’re all going to hump each other. Andddd scene.”
There are enough tits in this video to feed an impoverished country (assuming all the women are lactating). Since when did Enrique even like girls?
More amusing than the actual video is the censored version called, “Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You).” I don’t even think I need to discuss the irony in that title, because as we know nothing says love like pushing up on a complete stranger on the cold brick wall of a club bathroom. The best part of this video is that because it’s censored the boobs are weirdly blurred out and it looks like the girls have no nipples.
No nipples, no moles, no problems. Now bend over and take it like a man– err, woman.
Uncensored version here.