Coverage of the 2008 Republican National Convention
By WILL CIMINO (ft. commentary by ALICIA BUNT) Well, a few things were determined by John McCain’s speech. The first, and arguably most important, is that watching him walk at his age is like walking an infant learning to walk around a staircase. I’m just clinching my teeth waiting for him to spill. The second is that McCain the ‘Maverick’ is really McCain the Predictable Pete.
[Now, now, let’s not be too hasty .. this guy stands up to the bad guys in Washington and he’s not afraid to reach across the aisle. And did you know he’s a P.O.W.? – Alicia]
Now don’t get me wrong.. that doesn’t mean I think he gave a bad speech. On the contrary actually. What started off as slow turned into a great speech when he came out and did what he had to do – which is: beating a dead horse and reminding everyone that he’s a POW. If we’re being H here, one of the only things McCain can do to to Obama to make himself look like Muhammad Ali glaring down at a beaten Sonny Liston is present himself as the ultimate war hero. Despite all of Obama’s avalanche momentum and thin-waisted appeal [Mmmm I love his narrow hips and the righteous gleam in his chocolate-colored eyes], what can any McCain aggressor do but tip their hat, shut their mouths, and walk away when McCain tells the story of surviving five years of torture and keeping his mouth shut to protect his country?
[Well, I feel sheepish. *tips hat*]
But in this election what choice does McCain really have? He *HAS* to make himself appeal to Republicans since calling him one is almost a lie, and he *HAS* to play off strengths he has that Obama doesn’t.
[Thick-waist? Check. Dull sheen of death in his eyes? Check. Nervous air of a Stephen King villain? Check!]
Despite somewhat contradicting himself in saying he’s a maverick who doesn’t belong to a party, then shortly after saying he wants to restore the ‘old’ Republican party (that apparently he’s not a part of), he DID do a great job talking about his position on the economy and then nailed the end of his speech.
[I had nodded off by that point, so guess I’ll have to take your somewhat suspect word on it.]
If I had a soul, I probably would have been crying. He also played the classy card by not picking apart Obama anywhere near the extent Obama picked apart him during his speech. Too bad classiness won’t get you far in an election. In fairness, I think the biggest impact both the DNC and the RNC have had on America didn’t actually come from the messages in any of these speeches. But rather, that if you’re delivering a speech and finish any sentence with a pause… and a look down, you will receive a standing ovation as well as an uproar cheers from the crowd which eventually be drowned out by a “U.S.A!” chant.
[I LOVE CHANTS! I LOVE CHANTS! I LOVE CHANTS!]